Pity – Parties – Another Growing Way of Celebrating Self

I honestly struggle with believers who love to have pity – parties and yet cannot stand people they consider vain. In my opinion, they are just “different sides of the same coin” since they both celebrate self. I understand people who don't have Christ as Lord in their lives loving such parties but not believers. Pity parties are celebrations of the flesh; you literally have a big “all out thing or shindig” for the flesh deliberately submerging your spirit then you come out of it hoping to feel better. It is a lie of the devil. You only feel better because you decide that you have had enough and not because the party made you feel better but you can make that decision without the pity-party. Before you start telling me how mean and uncaring I am, the reason I can be so categorical is that I have been down that road myself; so please do not waste your time or energy judging me. It won't change my opinion, which may indeed be wrong; you are entitled to yours. Interestingly, it does not move the hand of the very compassionate God. Of course He is touched by our tears and pain but such parties do not replace our prayers neither do they make God do for us, what He won’t ordinarily do. He went through everything Himself as a man and yet did not fall prey to the flesh.

Hebrews 4: 15 “This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin.”

Self-pity, I have discovered, is rooted in selfishness; Pity-parties are those ones where you feel sorry for yourself enough to wallow in pity, more or less celebrating your sad feeling or the flesh. Very often, people who love to have these pities think they catch attention by having them because their unseen desire is to cause everything else to stop and all attention drawn to them until they at least get what they want but they pretend like it is a result of sincere inner sorrow or pain and that it will make them feel better. How does anyone honestly believe that they will suddenly appear high up because they spiraled downward? This is a lie of the devil which believers must stop buying.  These pity-party believers act like they are victims when in truth, the people they manipulate with these parties are the victims. The party was always meant to trap someone who truly becomes their prey while they make unwittingly make themselves predators. This is craftiness, and the fact that you are not aware that it is, does not the change the fact of what it is and believe me, you can’t go forward living like that because craftiness does not permanently lift up any; if it appears to, it can only be short lived. People are bound to get tired of your pity parties and eventually begin to get angry with you as they begin to feel used.

Job 5: 12 – 13 “He frustrates the plans of schemers so the work of their hands will not succeed. He traps the wise in their own cleverness so their cunning schemes are thwarted.”

The truth is at the end of the day, the person having the pity- party has been deceived by the enemy into yielding themselves to Him. Whenever the flesh is in control, the devil is given free rein to manipulate one and accomplish His purpose in their life. These parties are very crippling; not only are they time-wasting activities, in that state one is unable to make good decisions so that every or most decision/decisions made in that state will mostly help to ruin one instead. Some have been known to cut or even do worse harm to themselves in the course of such pity parties. God is clearly not in it; He is not in anything that glorifies the flesh which said flesh contradicts the Spirit of God and will not encourage anything godly or move anyone nearer God. Indeed pity- parties are not only selfish but are the hallmark of brats who believe that life is about them and their feeling must not be ignored by any so they do anything to catch attention. Some are so used to it, they don’t even realize anymore that it is selfishness. Please do not encourage people you love to continue in it and that includes our children. To do so is in truth, not an expression of love.

Hebrews 12: 12 “So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees. Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who are weak and lame will not fall but become strong.”

1 Corinthians 10: 13 “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”

It is time to grow up as believers and putting an end to pity-parties is a decision one has to make themselves. Don’t listen to people who tell you it is okay. Believers who encourage believers to have pity-parties are often needy people themselves who want you to always return to them when you are having one of such parties so they feel needed. Do not be deceived. We all go through bad times, no doubt, but you will never see “the way of escape God has made for you in that state.” If you think you can't stop because, as many of us would like to say -  "that is who I am" just to excuse our refusal to make necessary and maybe painful changes in our lives, let me assure you that you can indeed stop and you don’t need to pay for therapy to stop. The day you see how ugly it is and its true impact on your life, you will seek help from the Holy Ghost to stop. It’s a lie of the devil that tells you that you have lived too long like that and can’t change anymore. Please allow the change because you are short changing yourself. It is better for people to do things for you because they choose to and not because you manipulated them emotionally. Finally these parties kill your faith, how can you then please God?

SELFISHNESS – ANOTHER GENTLE DESTROYER

My pastor, Seye Kosoko, has always said that selfishness is one of the very biggest challenges of believers today but I never really gave it much thought until recently and now agree completely. It indeed is one of the biggest challenges facing today’s believers, at least in my own environment where the question is often “what is in it for me.” That used to be the language of the unbeliever but is now the attitude and mindset of the believers. At least the unbelievers say it upfront but the believers pretend not to think it but have it at the back of their minds and are guided by it. We all now have our own agenda which overrides every other thing including God’s desire in committing assignments to us. I think our level of selfishness must be reducing the devil’s stress level because a selfish person will eventually self-destruct, if they don't stop themselves, and destroy other people as well; and they will achieve all this evil without meaning to cause harm. They were only “looking out for themselves” and didn't realize the extent of damage that selfishness can cause. The truth is, selfishness, simple as it sounds, will cause people to finally end up in hell. It is a very subtle way of exalting one's self above all others, including God. God demands to be loved above all else. Until we learn to love God above all others including ourselves, I don't think we can ever be true believers assured of heaven. 

 

Mathew 22: 37 – 40 “Jesus replied, “You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

 

 

I found several different interpretations for the word "selfish" in the dictionary but the ones I liked the most are "Concerned chiefly or excessively with oneself, and having little regard for others or showing or arising from an excessive concern with oneself and a lack of concern for others." The truth is we should love ourselves otherwise we won’t be able to love others whom God has asked us to love as ourselves; but we must then truly love others as ourselves and love God above even ourselves. We can't submit to God if we don't love Him enough to do so which would mean loving Him above ourselves. Abraham must have loved God above himself to give up that which meant the most to Him in life. Our love for ourselves must become secondary when it comes against our love for God; hence the believers of old could give themselves to be burnt for Christ. They only had one agenda, God’s agenda. God expects us to love Him enough to loose ourselves and lives only to find it all again totally complete in Him. This releases us from selfishness. When life is ultimately about us and what makes us happy or is convenient for us notwithstanding the consequence of our action on others then we are of all people most selfish.

 

Colossians 2: 10 “So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.”

 

Self never ceases to desire to be loved above all else. Our flesh/self, desires to be noticed and to be in control of things at all times. It can only lure one toward selfishness. Selfishness operates subtly sometimes and at other times, boldly; but whichever way it chooses to operate, self is self. The fact that one selfish person appears gentle does not change the fact of them being selfish. People have several different arguments for being selfish but no excuse is good enough reason to self-destruct. Some people think they are not selfish because they have learnt to manage themselves less aggressively but you lie to yourself. You are most likely worse than the serpent, you have learnt to deal wisely which in truth is being crafty. For some others, they actually self-deceive because they feel like they are so nice and helpful to others but you always have a selfish purpose hidden in your heart for all that goodness. If for example, you give just because you want to receive, you are selfish. If you make sacrifices with the ultimate goal of getting your secret desire, it is selfishness and wickedness. Sometimes it is best to let people know upfront the price for the kindness you show them so they can decide whether or not it is a price they want to pay. At least be fair. Whether the fact of your selfish agenda is revealed or hidden, please deal with it and that will take confronting yourself because no one may want to tell you and it is not their job to do so. They do not owe it to you. If they do, appreciate them.

 

Mark 10: 21 “Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him. “There is still one thing you haven’t done,” he told him. “Go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

                              

Selfishness will make it difficult to give up all even for God so God is consistently trying to help us deal with it. The rich young man in the scripture above discovered he was selfish only after his discuss with Christ. God says those who love Him will obey His instructions/commands. I found that to be true because I realize that when one truly loves, their desire is to please the one they love. You don't need rules and regulations to please someone you sincerely love, you just become sensitive to them and their needs and instinctively work to please them and it is pleasurable to you to do so. No wonder God says in this new dispensation, His laws will be written in our hearts and His Spirit will teach us all things. In other words, His words are enclosed in our love for Him which fills our hearts. The truth is there is no loving God without yielding to Him and it is to the extent that one loves Him that one submits to Him. No matter how much one desires to be yielded to God, at the point where your love runs out, the things of God then begin to recede in our hearts when compared to the things we love and desire to do personally. When the love for God runs out, the love for self takes over which then opens a door to use by satan. 

The Vision Is Not Halted By Challenges; It Is For An Appointed Time

In the past week, for some very strange reasons, I had course to visit and counsel with people from different strata of society going through one thing or the other. Some very wealth, others were wealthy and some others are just on their way to being wealthy. Each experience humbled me and left me wondering, being the thinker that I am, why God would make expose me to their experiences at this point especially so soon after we had a program in church where God moved mightily. I wish I didn’t think so much but I do; I think things over and over again often trying to figure it all out and see if there is some wisdom to be gleaned from each experience. So, each story has gone through my mind repeatedly as I struggle to understand life on another level and the issues that are thrown at us. The one thing I can say for certain is that everyone encounters issues in life and no one can be sheltered from those issues. Much as we may desire to shelter all our loved ones from the issues of life, they will encounter life so it’s best to prepare them. Not doing so is like sending someone out without an umbrella or raincoat when you know for certain that it will rain heavily.

Mark 4: 35 “When Jesus woke up, he rebuked the wind and said to the waves, ’Silence! Be still!’ Suddenly the wind stopped, and there was a great calm.”

It can be very tough when life deals with one in the course of their journey to fulfilling destiny but that must never stop anyone from fulfilling destiny and neither is it meant to. Though it may indeed slow one down, it is not meant to stop us and should not cause us to seek alternative ways to fulfilling that God given destiny. When an elderly person easily though unintentionally communicates intense pain as he talks about relationships and how friends took advantage of him to the extent that they ruined his life, one is compelled to think about life more deeply. Indeed, the only comfort at such times is the fact that there is a healer in whose name the righteous also find shelter and His name is Jesus. Otherwise how does a very elderly man whose lost so much think about restoration especially when his loss was accompanied by a huge chunk of his life? He doesn’t know it but a part of him died with the pain. I honestly maybe better at commiserating with people who lost someone dear, painful as that is; than with people who though living seem to have a lost a huge chunk of their lives  along with their loss and are suffering in their old age. How does one explain to younger people that it does not have to end badly if we take counsel from Jesus? Life can leave one totally confused and feeling very daft and unintelligent.

1 Corinthians 10: 12 “If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall.”

Proverb 27: 1 “Don’t brag about tomorrow, since you don’t know what the day will bring.”

It is easy to assume people go through challenges because of some wrong they did, which is possible, but it is not always so. The truth is life just happens; indeed sometimes the worst people seem to have the best experiences and the determining factor for how one’s life is impacted would be their response to each challenge. I can say for certain that when we respond to life in the flesh, we provide very weak solutions to serious and compelling issues. Those solutions nice as they may seem do not resolve these issues for forever. They are like temporary fillers for challenges that are meant to alter the course of one's life permanently. I would like to suggest that at such times it is best to call out to Jesus immediately. He speaks to storms and they respond but He must be called in. His presence in our lives never prevents the storm that must come but stills it when we call on Him. Very often, we try to deal in the way we know best but there is only one way to respond – Jesus. Flesh never has the solution that stills the storms much as we may like to think otherwise. I am not by any means suggesting that one's flesh may not react; I am only saying that despite that reaction, you need to call out to Jesus. He alone has the solution and when His solution is put forward, it carries power that stills the storm.

Psalms 75: 7 “It is God alone who judges; He decides who will rise and who will fall.”

Habakkuk 2: 3 “For the vision is yet for an appointed time and it hastens to the end (fulfilment); it will not deceive or disappoint. Though it tarry, wait (earnestly) for it, because it will surely come; it will not be behindhand on its appointed day.”

 It is said that time does not wait for anyone and that may be true ordinarily, but we know that God caused it to wait for the children of Israel when they needed to win a battle; we serve that same God and if He did it before, I believe He can do it again. In truth, we do not have time to waste; I can't believe that we already are in the sixth month of this year and it is not going to slow down neither is God taking out all the challenges from life but be assured that God is still working to ensure that you fulfill your destiny. Life seems tougher now than ever before but God is fully in control and He is committed to ensuring that you accomplish all that which is written concerning you. He has not promised a smooth ride and never said it is going to be easy but our eyes must be on Jesus all the time as we are encouraged by the saints that cheer us on.