DISCRETION – A Virtue Believers Have To Acquire

The word “discretion” has been on my mind for a while now. So I have taken a closer look at it and would like to share some of what I learnt. Who knows, just one person may be blessed. I checked the dictionary as well as the scriptures, for correct application of the word. The dictionary describes it as “the quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid social embarrassment or distress”. It is also “the freedom or power to decide or act according to one’s own judgment” and is referred to as “prudence, decorum and tactfulness”. All the best intentions in the world can be ruined by indiscretion.

The scriptures affirm that God definitely urges discretion for believers. It is one of the traits we should acquire as believers. No matter how anointed or nice we are, we must learn to be discrete otherwise we would destroy meaningful relationships including marriages despite that the other party or parties still love us. Being tactful or prudent is not to lie or pretend about the way one feels; it is to speak the truth in the most appropriate way and/or time. To do that, we must have good sense of judgment. It won’t make painful truth less painful for the receiver but it makes it more appropriate.

James 1: 19 “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”

Discretion starts with thinking and listening well before one speaks. When we fail to hear others, we find out too late that they were not saying what we thought they were saying yet we already responded. We need to hear people to respond to them appropriately. Speaking “out of turn” often, makes even people who love us prefer to stay away from us. Though they love us, they are “ticked off” by the things we say and/or how we say them. Unfortunately, apologizing all the time doesn’t make it less annoying. Moreover, they already know one didn’t mean harm anyway but who wants to be “ticked off” always. It is honestly tedious and very frustrating dealing with people who lack discretion. Sadly such people often see themselves as the wounded party never understanding what they did wrong.  

Proverbs 18: 2 “Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.”

The problem sometimes, is not with what we say but the inappropriateness of it at the time and in the circumstance. We have to realize that the same rule of speaking does not apply to everybody and every circumstance no matter how similar they may seem, so we have to be thoughtful to be appropriate. Inappropriateness is never masked by sweetness even if you are as sweet as pancake syrup; it is even more annoying because it adds an insulting edge. It creates the impression that you think the other person is so stupid they won’t notice your indiscretion. 

Proverbs 11: 22 “A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.”

Proverbs 16: 22 “Discretion is a life-giving fountain to those who possess it, but discipline is wasted on fools.

It is never too late to unlearn and learn a more appropriate way of speaking and/or dealing with others. Daniel saved his life and that of others by speaking appropriately at an appropriate time. It is wisdom.

Daniel 2: 14 “When Arioch, the commander of the King’s guard, came to kill them, Daniel handled the situation with wisdom and discretion.”